Poems

Still

Still,
I see you in the rays of sunshine busting through the clouds,
And in every penny I find on the ground...
I see you in your siblings eyes,
And in the white butterfly
That appears when I cry
for you
near the garden we planted to remember...
You.
Still,
I feel you when I pray
Asking God to make things okay.
I feel you in the quiet moments
That I allow myself,
When the pain gets so strong and all I want to do is scream!
for help,
I feel you.
I see you.
Still.

Cure

I write this 4 months removed.
The grief a little less pronounced.
Less a boulder on my shoulder.
More a stone carried in my pocket.
The weight enough for me to notice.
But not heavy enough to show the world it exists.
My cries are alone.
Just reserved for me and my wife.
Time heals they say.
Time really cures.
Cures as in concrete.
Because the hurt becomes stronger with everyday.
It's more reality the further I get from the epicenter.
Her memories weaken.
She wasn't here enough for them to cure.
Just flashes.
When I close my eyes.
I can't close them as well as I used to...

The Question 

Some one asked me this week. 
It wasn't the first time.
There have been a couple of times.
But every time I've been asked, I'm still unsure how to respond.
She asked me... So how many kids do you have?
This time was different,
Last time I was asked,
I answered, 
I have 2.
I went home and cried that evening.
This time,
I answered,
I have 3.
I went home and cried. 
Stronger still.
Because last time I cried because I failed to acknowledge her,
This time I cried because I did,
I answered.
I have 2 living and my third born actually passed away.
A pause in our conversation...
There is courage in responding,
Not everyone knows how,
And she did,
Apologizing for our loss.
The thoughts of that question lingered with me the rest of the day,
Until I could cry them away,
Building up my strength until the next time someone asks.