Thanksgiving

Yesterday was tough. A lot tougher than we thought it was going to be. Maybe we thought because we were healing and were feeling stronger recently that we could breeze through... But no dice.

I think it crept up on me in the morning. As my other two were playing in the living room. The gravity of the holiday sunk in my heart. Don't get me wrong. We have so much to be thankful for. Through our family tragedy we received so much love and support. It has carried us for the last 9 months. But as I observed them in play I could only imagine her. Her crawling and playing and screaming along with the others. I could imagine the "First Thanksgiving" onesie we've bought our other kids. I could imagine loading up the car full of kids and heading to have Thanksgiving dinner at our families house.

The day went from acknowledging thanks to sadness. The sadness led to anxiety. Anxiety of having to smile and pretend that we were okay when during this holiday we were not. We thought we would be...

Generally, we are okay. And when we say we are it is the truth. God has provided us with healing. Just this holiday, as much as it helped recognize the good that has happened this year,  it ultimately also served as a reminder of what we no longer have...

So we decided to stay home. We ran to the market and purchased some Thanksgiving fixings. We whipped up a quick meal. And we prayed and ate as a nuclear. On a makeshift table we laughed and healed and talked about what we are thankful for.  The day ended a little better than it started.

Hopefully our family forgives us for not attending or at least understands.

Hope everyone had a great Holiday. We thank you for thinking and praying for us during the day. We did feel them.

Erik